so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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