Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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