Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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