Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
