You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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