I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
