everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
