i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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