I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Buhtt sex?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
