I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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