ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
