There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
