I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
