Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
