Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
