Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
