i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
