i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
