I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
