Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he fucked my hip out of place.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
