so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
