Is it normal to miss your booty call?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize