he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
