I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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