She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
