I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
