but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
