it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
