I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
