I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
