She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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