You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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