hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
