margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
