Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
