therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize