Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
