This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize