There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
