I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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