i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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