We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
