I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
its liver damage thursday
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize