Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Little spoons don't ask big questions
two words: eviction party
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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