Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
