You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
please come you make the beer taste better
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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