ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
