My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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