i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
