He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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