my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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