Do you still have your period?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize