so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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