Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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