I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
