I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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