I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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