Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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