Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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