its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
