She's JV to your varsity
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Randomize
