he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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