I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So. Much. Porn.
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