Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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