I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
