dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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