I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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