He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
